Thursday, July 23, 2020

What I clearly see that you just can't see and I can't photograph

It's been since this time in March--four months now--that I first had pain in the right eye. This progressed to an aggressive lesion which imposed brown over my right eye, always my good eye. I began seeing a huge spot on the wall at night proceeding me as I walked about partially lighted rooms. Worst was a great tumbleweed bouncing along at floor level ahead of me. Many, many photographs of my eyes have been taken since all this started--in Morro Bay, in San Luis Obispo, in Palo Alto, in Santa Maria, in SLO again. They document the progress and retraction of the lesion. I can see in the color photographs the current location of the lesion. By great luck it erupted into the eye a hair above the macula. Otherwise I would be irretrievably blind in my good eye. I have been able to track its retreat--a slow retreat starting on 27 April, when I first took Fluconazole not for the previously diagnosed lymphoma but for Valley Fever. I could tell that the drug was helping as soon as two days later, although when I informed doctors of this I was assured that it could not help the eye. I knew. So I watched the tumbleweed shrink to an overlong watermelon and [I left this out when I posted the piece: a human foot with a distinct heel and a high arch, which I took to mean that the lesion was high at that point, above the macula], then finally down to a teardrop and an elongated C and now to a small thick walled circle. [As of 24 July, from a foot away the size of the circle looks slightly larger than a dime, but with thick green walls and maybe white specks in the center.] The thing is, since the teardrop the thing has been Hunter Green, not black or gray. I stand a foot from a wall at night, some light on, and see the thing perfectly, in vivid color. I don't like the walls of the green circle being heavier than they were at the elongated C stage, but the whole thing is smaller, just with heavier walls. You see the problem: now I want to photograph that wonderful Hunter Green ring while I can. I have my iPhone right there, but it seems that no one else can see what I see on the wall. How can I see something so clearly that I cannot photograph? How can I prove to you that I am seeing Hunter Green (and I did check color charts)?

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