HOW QUICKLY WE FORGET THAT WE ARE DYING. An Episode from early 2020 and the situation now

 Having been told by the great ocular oncologists up north that enucleation of the eye gone black was a possibility but why bother when the lymphoma was so aggressive, we got home and made haste--new wills, final attempt to salvage something of my hobby turned obsession, my American ancestry, narrowed way down to racial reckonings. I could at least pull out a few hundred documents that I or someone could use to write about or at least talk about the family and race.

But the word was disposal. Miraculously, my Melville library was already on its way off, the bulk of it, to the Berkshire Athenaeum. More boxes are following. But other papers?

Then a flattering note came in the U S mail and I said, happily, "I WANT TO KEEP THIS." Then I laughed and laughed at myself because I was not going to be around to "keep" anything. That was a revelation.

That was a year and a half ago. In 2021 I have written about 15/17th of a book called AN OKIE'S RACIAL RECKONINGS. I am walking 2 miles a day--well, not everyday (not on Costco day, not on trip to Templeton to doctor day), and walking faster than a few months ago. And I must not forget the new REAL ID, good for 5 years and almost 2 weeks from now. The future is indefinite.

So I am still taking blood thinner and an anti-fungal drug and I could fall again any time and a Mother of Mayhem could get me on the way to the beach or coming back (I mention this hoping to get patrolmen out to watch), and when I do die, what a mess of things to get rid of!

But now I can laugh at my saying "I WANT TO KEEP THIS!" I don't want to keep that much, now that I think about it. But I do want to finish the last chapter and this next-to-last chapter. If I can't, if have left good outlines.

The basic insight: OH, HOW QUICKLY WE FORGET THAT WE ARE DYING.