Monday, June 29, 2020

68 years ago today

68 years ago today

What does not Exist Any More
68 years ago today, a month after I finished the 11th grade, someone who is not alive any more drove me to a town that does not exist any more (Howe, Oklahoma) to a gigantic depot that does not exist any more on a railroad that does not exist any more (the Rock Island) for me to take a train to carry me part way (to stay overnight with someone who was killed in 1958) so I could take another train to a station that does not exist any more to take a job that does not exist any more, my first dead-end job, that of railroad telegrapher.

Sunday, June 28, 2020

Pushed too hard today. Collapsed (didn't exactly faint). Made terrific bread.


Last night I decided to save the sourdough starter after delaying for months. Was it dead? This morning fluconazole did its usual attempt to flatten me, but I kept on. I decanted 3 happy refreshed jars of starter to hide back in the refrigerator and used the rest in Egg Bread, the smaller loaves with raisins. Midway though, the drugs got to me and I collapsed on myself, not hurting anything, and able to get up. I have fainted twice so far in my life. I did not faint this time, just folded up. So there are limits, with all the drugs, including blood thinner.  I had been fantasizing about making real bread, not just skillet bread, for weeks. I would have great ambition then get in the kitchen and realize I could not start. So I started, finally. and I am glad I did.

Saturday, June 27, 2020

Are they going to rename my 1959 Woodrow Wilson Fellowship and my 1962 Woodrow Wilson Dissertation Fellowship?


BREAKING NEWS

Princeton said it would remove Woodrow Wilson’s name from campus buildings and programs, citing the former president’s “racist thinking and policies.”

Saturday, June 27, 2020 1:31 PM EST

The main money in my time was from the Ford Foundation.  Now, Henry Ford was not a snowflake, either. As long as I don't have to refund the money that gave me two years to study and write!

Just what we needed to hear

Severe cases of COVID-19 may be linked to brain complications, according to the first nationwide survey of the neurological complications of the disease.
The small, preliminary study was published in Lancet Psychiatry this week. Researchers surveyed patients in the U.K. in April who had both a new COVID-19 diagnosis and a new neurological or psychiatric diagnosis requiring hospital admission. Researchers found that, among the 125 patients, 57 had a stroke caused by a blood clot in the brain and 39 had an altered mental state.

Friday, June 26, 2020

Latest in the near-tragic story of the once-superior right eye

It looks as if I am the third person to have Valley Fever present in an eye. I understand that one of the others had an eye removed before he died and the other went blind before he died. By April 3rd, after two weeks of pain in the right eye, everything went brown.

On April 9 the local ocular oncologist showed pictures of lesion--looked like an alligator's stomach. An April 15 the greatest ocular oncologist on the West Coast (up north) looked at a 31 January 2020 photograph I had luckily taken (to avoid dilation) and said, Not melanoma because melanoma is slow. No, he said, this has spread from an aggressive cancer elsewhere in your body. We had made holograph wills before driving north to see him, and we made more formal ones after we returned. We were so brave and rational that I never want to be tested again for fear this was not repeatable.

On April 27 we were told that I had Valley Fever and I was put on Fluconazole. The thinking was that maybe there was no cancer except in the eye. The next day, optimist that I am, I was hoping that the anti-fungal pills would reduce the lesion in the eye. Ocular people said that was not possible. April 30, the ocular oncologists still thought the eye is cancerous. I was the only one who thought that the Fluconazole is already helping the eye. April 30, lung biopsy.  Good eye patches finally arrived from the Amazon supplier, but too late: the vision from the right eye is still brown but I can see through it and read on the computer, with glasses, seeing with both eyes. May 1st, we say the local oncologist who as our point man sent me for additional labs so as to rule out other possibilities than lymphoma. He greeted us this way: "I have nothing but good news for you today." The lung biopsy had shown that it was Valley Fever, not cancer.

May 11, we went to Santa Maria for more eye pictures. You could see that the lesion had shrunk--down from the alligator stomach.

So all of May and much of June the Fluconazole was not making obvious inroads on the eye lesion. If I covered my left eye, the face in the mirror showed brown. But all this time I could see to read and in distance my formerly good right eye was on a parity with my formerly bad left eye (which everyone now declares to be healthy). We learned that Fluconazole was probably going to have to continue all the rest of my life because nothing kills the fungus. This drug just represses it, keeps it down. No improvement for weeks.

Then on June 11 Deep Vein Thrombosis and new shots for 10 days and then new drugs which do not co-exist easily with Fluconazole. Compression stocking hip high, indefinitely.

June 20, 21, 22, 23, finally a change. I began to see the right side as normal color if I looked down in the mirror a little, though if I looked up it was brown. But there was the first improvement in color. I knew the lesion was shrinking because the blur I saw on walls at night had changed. At first it had been enormous, then after Santa Maria it had settled down to a big long watermelon, and now it was a charming naked right foot, sharply defined, and I could see that the arch was the place that made my vision better. I knew that the lesion was retreating to the north west, away from the macula and the center of vision. But would it stay that way and not regress?--for during the month one day I would see a distant point better with the right eye, another day with the left eye.

June 25, more and more pictures for the local ocular man. The lesion looks almost flat--an alligator with almost nothing in the stomach. It has firmed up from the amorphous mass first photographed on April 9. There is no reason to think the lesion will explode back over the eye, no reason to think it will invade the left eye. There is no reason to think the eye will be back to what it was in March, but I can drive and read and use the computer and will not have a film over it much longer, probably. There is finally no reason to think I will go blind from either cancer or Valley Fever.  I have been getting along fine since very early May and no reason to think I won't get along a little better, still. I was lucky: the Valley Fever could have presented in the macula. As it is, I can read this without glasses.

Thursday, June 25, 2020

64 (at least) Texas students sick after party-time in Baja

Why did I remember when an entire Lamar football team got the clap from Gracie's Woodshed in Port Arthur? You can't control memory.

Wednesday, June 24, 2020

Never know what is going to appear on the Internet: Hershel Parker on Herman Melville, and Walter J. Ong’s Thought


Hershel Parker on Herman Melville, and Walter J. Ong’s Thought

Thomas J. Farrell
Professor Emeritus in Writing Studies
University of Minnesota Duluth
This starts out:
Web: In order to get into a proper spirit to read Hershel Parker’s massively researched biography of Herman Melville (1819-1891), I found it necessary to try to see a parallel trajectory in my own life. No, I did not embark as a sailor on a whaler when I was around 22 years old, and I did not publish embellished tales of my adventures such as Typee (1846) and Omoo (1847).


However, Parker ends volume one (1996) of his two-volume biography with Melville presenting Nathaniel Hawthorne (1804-1864) in person with a copy of Moby-Dick (1851) so that he could see the look on Hawthorne’s face when he saw that Melville had dedicated the book to him. Taking a hint from this gesture on Melville’s part, I figured out a trajectory in my own life involving an older scholar whose work I much admire. . . . . .

George Wishart and John Knox and Jo Hayford and me in Japan

I just watched a short documentary on John Knox where I learned of his connection to the martyred George Wishart. Josephine Hayford was a Wishart (as I am, very distantly), and I am a Knox, on this continent descended from the Revolutionary Robert Knox.  So here is a picture of a Wishart and Knox in Japan, 1989.
What would the great Reformers have thought?

Tuesday, June 23, 2020

Being told in TV and Movies that You are Going Blind and Dying of Cancer

Versus in real life.

While I have been laid up I have fast forwarded through Netflix and Prime movies about people with cancer and watched even more trailers on that topic. Having been given a sentence of blindness and death from an aggressive wide-spread cancer, and having lived with that news for 3 weeks before it was corrected, I have a lot of interest in how others have behaved. Luckily, I have not been around many family members who died of cancer, and the one I knew best went out raging against the world. At the time we did not evaluate our behavior, but after the reprieve came we were astounded at how well we had behaved to each other and how rationally we had dealt with the prospect of early death. We were blindsided (as it were) at times, as when I got a great email and said, "I have to save this." Save it for when? So I laughed at myself.
We just kept cool. We immediately made holograph wills, which are legal here (our local lawyer who had our wills had simply disappeared), then started the longer process of making new wills with the help of another lawyer. We were rational about secondary beneficiaries and everything else. I laid out a hundred or so items for the first volume of ORNERY PEOPLE.
We were not prepared for just how devastating Valley Fever is and how powerful the anti-fungal drug is, and we were not prepared for a new blood clot and a full-leg compression stocking. Certainly we were not prepared for one of us going out alone to do battle for groceries and gas and drugs. The realization is that at 84 with severe medical problems I am a prime candidate for the coronavirus. There is no point getting a reprieve from cancer and going out among arrogant tourists and reckless locals when someone else, someone younger and healthier, will put on a hazmat suit and go for food. I had been a strong old guy in 2019, walking and even running some days, always on the beach, and doing little floor exercises for the lower body. All that stamina is gone, and the right eye is probably never going to be better than it is now, damaged, if it stays that way. The two other documented examples of Valley Fever victims whose disease presented in the eye both ultimately went blind. Today, the primary care physician. But I am much more cheerful than I have any grounds for being. If the eye stays as good as it is now . . . .

Wednesday, June 17, 2020

40th anniversary--as we are


Still trying to get the Lincoln Project to correct RELIGIOUS BIGOT

What Lindsey Graham said (any Southerner can tell you) was IRRELIGIOUS BIGOT. Any Evangelical knows that IRRELIGIOUS BIGOT is much worse than RELIGIOUS BIGOT. Graham sort of swallowed the syllable but he said IRRELIGIOUS.

Tuesday, June 16, 2020

40th anniversary--one very sick, one at terminal exhaustion


Heads UP, Lincoln Project! You need to make a correction.

Please, listen to Lindsey Graham. He did not say RELIGIOUS BIGOT. He said IRRELIGIOUS BIGOT. He just slurred the first syllable, but he said it. Southerners know the difference between the two kinds of bigots, and Graham meant the really bad one!

Monday, June 15, 2020

Please someone--Tell the Lincoln Project it goofed in the Lindsey Graham Ad

Yankee Lincoln Project folks, you did not listen to your Southerner. What Graham said was Irreligious Bigot. Please listen again! The first syllable is not clear, but it is there. He did not say Religious Bigot. An Irreligious Bigot is far worse!

Our 40th Anniversary. Scarcely a guest is still alive . . . .

Paul is alive and strong. At least two more who were young. One well-remembered guest died yesterday. 

Goof in the Lincoln Project ad of Lindsey Graham praising Joe Biden

The big letters on the screen say RELIGIOUS BIGOT. That is not what Lindsey Graham said. He said something his state would find even more damning. He said IRRELIGIOUS BIGOT. Just listen to him again on the ad. There is not any doubt about it. Can they correct it? If it is this way on Morning Joe, it's this way in other places.

Friday, June 12, 2020

"The coronavirus is surging dangerously in states that opened quickly"

How could this be?

Young officer being shot caused us to get sent home

After the CAT scan of the left leg yesterday everything was moving toward the next step, drawing the clot out of the leg there, and maybe with a need to stay overnight. Instead, everyone was called to help the injured officer and after a couple hours the doctors decided on a different treatment. I got a compression stocking put on, a little shot in the stomach, and (after no lunch) a sandwich which bore no comparison to the fare at French Hospital here. Me, under 190 this morning! This is not bad. I did not want overnight in any hospital. So now twice a day I get to throw a plunger into the stomach--just for 10 days. Then I get blood thinner pills for a few months. And the mistress of all situations has located more Size J anti-embolism stockings in New Hampshire. In 1956 and 1957 I was getting horse needles in the belly every week in pneumoperitoneum shots of air.  These 20 plungers are cute little things, disposable, and after losing weight with Valley Fever it's easy to bunch up enough skin to poke. I learned in the mid 1950s that you do not put a needle to your thigh and hesitantly press it in--you do a quick flip of the wrist and get it done. This is nothing, now, that we can't handle. Now, if the fluconazole would just go back to clearing up the eye and if it did not all but knock me to the floor with dizziness . . . .
This is being ungrateful. I have a history. A diagnosis of TB in Louisiana in 1955. Accurate, but for the first months treatment consisted in being in a holding warehouse with plenty of food but no drug treatment or other treatment except surgery. In 1989,  doctors in Wilmington, Delaware, drawing up chairs by my hospital bed and one saying, very happily, "HEAVILY INTO ANAL, EH?" They had just seen an AIDS video about how middle aged Caucasian men who showed up with shingles might have something worse, and they were delighted, genuinely stoked to find a case. They got me a private room, and a morphine pump until I made the terrible mistake of mentioning how much I liked it. At least I had a view of the Washington Street Bridge to myself for a week. In 2020, a diagnosis from a great ocular oncologist on the West Coast not of Melanoma because that is slow growing but of some more horrendous cancer advancing to my eye out of a body riddled with cancer.  The AIDS diagnosis gave me a private room and the CANCER diagnosis upended our lives for three weeks. We behaved so well that I never want to have to go through that again. At least we thought about priorities and have new Wills. Now, a diagnosis of deep vein thrombosis, accurate, but nothing we can't handle as long as I don't fall from the other drugs. Falling is sternly warned against when you are on blood thinner. Not the Downward Spiral, oh no. And what will tomorrow bring? 

Thursday, June 11, 2020

Yesterday I said, "This is NOT the Downward Spiral." Today 7 hours in the Emergency Room with a Deep Vein Thrombosis

We have started months of drugs to fight coagulation and are warned not to fall, not to bruise myself.
So tonight I am going to order more Anti-Embolism Stockings.
Several months with the compression stockings and drugs.
And we learn that Fluconazole has powerful effects on other drugs. Just what, is to be discovered.
Very hasty light breakfast and no lunch because we were waiting for another CAT scan to decide whether they were going to try to suck out the clot today--no water, even. The reason we waited for so many hours was that a policeman had been shot. I will see now if the SLO Tribune is posting about him.

Wednesday, June 10, 2020

Looking realistically at "the most serious form" of Valley Fever


The most serious form of the disease, disseminated coccidioidomycosis, occurs when the infection spreads (disseminates) beyond the lungs to other parts of the body. Most often these parts include the skin, bones, liver, brain, heart, and the membranes that protect the brain and spinal cord (meninges).

When we were told that, after all, it was not cancer riddling my body and cracking open the eye, we were relieved. Well, we were so sure it was cancer, after the trip to Stanford, that we continued with finalizing our last wills and I managed to organize a self-published book for Amazon, though not carry it out. You don't step away from a sentence of blindness and death without remembering it.
And Fluconazole worked astonishingly fast. The good right eye patches I ordered from Amazon were delayed and when they got here I could use my right eye with my left eye. The lesion in the eye shrank and shrank until it stopped shrinking. Two weeks ago I noticed that the right eye was still not getting better. At time the bad left eye was the good eye. And the lesion did not disappear. I know its size from the photographs and from my seeing it against a white wall when I open just the right eye in the dark. It's not getting smaller right now. The worst is that what I dreaded from the start of the treatment seems to be true--a scum ring left around the lesion where the gook has dried up. And the unholy power of the drug. What a fate--to have grand plans (say to cook two pans of rich cornbread) and look about the kitchen and see that you can't be on your feet that long. It's a good thing I do not right now have a grand plan to write a biography of Melville, I tell you. Think of all those idiotic movie shots of would be authors sitting at a desk with masses of clean which paper and writing a word or two on a sheet and crumpling it and sending it to the floor! Well, crumpling takes energy. The 2 previously reported cases of Valley Fever in the eye are both ominous--ultimate blindness. So a life sentence to a dizzying drug seems to be where we are.

Tuesday, June 9, 2020

How often have we said that he could not go any lower?



Trump's "tweet": Buffalo protester shoved by Police could be an ANTIFA provocateur. 75 year old Martin Gugino was pushed away after appearing to scan police communications in order to black out the equipment. @OANN I watched, he fell harder than was pushed. Was aiming scanner. Could be a set up?

Saturday, June 6, 2020

It is so rare for Valley Fever to Present in the Eye that the Guardian wrote to the doctor who wrote a 2020 article on his experience



So sorry to hear what your husband had to go through. But I am glad that a diagnosis was reached and he is getting the appropriate treatment for it.
Unfortunately the vision loss that has happened due to the inflammation may not be reversed completely and he may have some residual damage.
However, being on the appropriate treatment which in this case is fluconazole will prevent further damage.
The treatment for valley fever is fluconazole which in his case will need to be taken lifelong. He needs to follow with an ID specialist who will continue to monitor response to medication. A small percentage of people fail treatment with fluconazole( we can know this by blood work) and have to be switched to an alternate anti fungal medication such as voriconazole.
If your husband develops any new symptoms such as headaches then he would need a lumbar puncture to rule out brain involvement with valley fever. I am sure that his ID doc will go over all this with you.
Wish him a speedy recovery.



Friday, June 5, 2020

A Note in the Mailbox from a Runner & Swimmer


I know only one last name, so I emailed Tom, who knows Ann, who knows Mark . . . . . In a few weeks they will hear what has happened.

Suspended WITHOUT PAY! What a punishment just for knocking down an old man!

Way to go, Buffalo! 2-day suspension? 3 days?
What was a 75 year old man doing on the street, anyhow? What did he expect when he approached the police?
What's a little blood from the ear?

Wednesday, June 3, 2020

A chance to see a doctor today, finally, if he does not cancel.

For many patients, lesions [in the eyes] disappear after 10-12 weeks; however, for those with lesions occurring in the macula (the center of the retina), about half will have permanent vision loss. [Still unresolved and scary.]

Monday, June 1, 2020

Flluconazole--speedy work at first, then slow. No doctor available for the month after diagnosis

Wednesday I should get to see the infectious disease man. He has been busy with COVID19.
The diagnosis of Valley Fever was April 27. I could tell the difference the second day of taking the pills, though no medical person would believe me. The right eye had been worse the previous week. The drug store mask I tried for several days did not fit, so on April 26 I ordered 2 better quality masks from Amazon for delivery on the 28th. This was a time when the two day delivery mattered. By the time they came on the 30th I did not need them. I could read with both eyes, although there was a grayish cast to the computer screen from the fluid in the lesion. But the improvement has slowed down.  For distance my bad left eye some days sees as well as my lifelong good right eye. When I close my left eye the right eye still shows my face as tan, not dark brown now but darker. And I still have fluid in the lesion. When I open the right eye in the dark I see it the evidence on the wall. At first, it was a huge black blob shaped like a 3-foot wide head of broccoli, with short stem at the bottom. Now, it is like an extra long loaf of bread, maybe a 7th of the original size, and without a stem. So there is still guck in the eye, not drained, and the fast improvement has stopped. I have some fear that the threat to the eye is far from over. So for more than a month I have had a diagnosis but no contact with a doctor, only the Internet. I know I was wrong to try walking on the beach. That caused a bad setback. Maybe the doctor, if I do get to see him, will tell me how active I should be. Really bedrest? Maybe he will change to another anti-fungal drug, one that does not dry the mouth like alum and close the ears as if they were full of water. But my vision is pretty much back, and I have taken advantage of its restoration.