Friday, January 22, 2021

My resolve--to stop obsessing about politics except when unavoidable

At 8 pm on 8 November 2016 I saw what had happened and came downstairs to work. Soon we gave up Direct TV and after the 8th I never watched Rachel Maddow again until a few months ago I began to see her in episodes on MSNBC. For more than 2 years I simply refused to hear anyone talk about Trump. I was in complete denial, and worked on the Revolution and on Melville. I left the room if anyone insisted on talking about him. I knew that whatever was happening was too monstrous for me to deal with if I wanted to go about my writing and beach-going sanely. I had outlived Nixon, whom I had obsessed about from that October day in 1952 when he gave the slimy Checkers Speech (which Eisenhower was fooled by). I could not allow myself that level of obsession again. Now, I cannot obsess about Qanon or the Proud Boys or the treasonous congressmen and women who tried to undo the election on the 6th. (Is there a more accurate word than treasonous?). I cannot obsess even about the rabid WHITE POWER saluter Hawley and the slimy sleazy Cruz. I have had a year in which I was told by the best ocular oncologists that I would lose the right eye maybe before I died of lymphoma. I have had devastating Valley Fever and hallucinatory Vertigo in the last year, after getting vision back and not dying of lymphoma. I have blood clots still and shoot myself up morning and night. I will still post encouragement to Biden, remembering what I said to him a third of a centuryt ago in Amtrak after his aneurysms, "It's good to see you looking so strong, sir." I will still post encouragement to the new senators from Georgia, whom I funded lavishly until the caretaker told me I did not have to send money every time they asked. I will still taunt Texas, where I voted for the great Ralph Yarborough while they missed out on a chance to have Beto instead of the insurrectionist. But I will get back to work and let the President and the Vice-President and the Speaker handle most of the work. And soon I hope to feel the terrible burden of more than four years beginning to lift.

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