My last box of 5000 Swingline Staples? Maybe not.

I knew in 2007 that my new Honda would be my last car. It now has more than 30,000 miles on it, and is holding up fine. One of the grandsons can use it when the time comes, maybe. But I thought the last time I bought 5000 staples that I would not have to buy more. Well, I just had to spend $3.25 for a replacement box from Amazon--promised for tomorrow but you know how those notices have not been updated.  I won't run out before the replacements come. It's all a bet. I may be losing the bet on a couple of unused pairs of running shoes in the garage, now that I am floored with Valley Fever. You want to have everything you need as long as you are functioning but you want to get rid of excesses, such as your Melville archive. Fine, but when you live three weeks or so under an authoritative sentence of blindness and death from cancer you don't immediately go on a celebratory spending binge, especially not as you gradually realize how serious Valley Fever is. But today I bet $3.25 on Swingline.

It's hard to get good Barbecue now, even in Alabama

From James Edmonds Saunders, EARLY SETTLERS OF ALABAMA (1899).

Hubbard, a red headed man of Courtland, had charge of the cooking department, and had wonderful skill in barbecuing. It is now a lost art. All other industries except this have improved. For the benefit of posterity I will explain Hubbard‘s method. When he once put down his pigs and buffalo fishes, flesh side down, over the pit of coals, they were never turned until the drying of the skin showed that they were nearly done, and then when turned the flesh was nicely browned and cracked open in deep fissures, so that when the hot gravy of sweet butter, vinegar and black pepper, was poured on, it penetrated to the bone—a far superior mode to frequently turning and basting. It was to such a luscious feast that the editor of the Herald [Willie Connor] sat down, with the hindquarter of a pig on his right, a half of a stout buffalo fish on his left, and a bottle of whiskey in front. He moved steadily to the attack, frequently washing down the viands with grog. Orrin Davis, always full of fun, watched his eye glisten with pleasure; but at last perceiving that he was wavering in the attack, he rigged a lever in the fork of a sapling, which happened to stand just behind his seat, and passing a cord under his arms, he would raise him and then let him fall suddenly in his seat, so as to settle his food. This was equal to a cotton com press, and the editor, in the best humor, would renew the attack, until all had vanished, except the bones. This was not at all wonderful, for he was the author of the saying that “a turkey was of a very inconvenient size, for it was rather too much for one man, and not quite enough for two.”

Thinking of death after the recent mis-diagnosis. Here, what it took to bury Grandma Ewart in 1804

Good thing I saved my masks from 1955.

Having left the Pines Warehouse for

Dying Tuberculars and visited friends in Singer, Louisiana, I was ready to drive across the country to find better treatment.

Both still seared by 2 week sentence of blindness and death. "Just" Valley Fever.

The right eye is seeing very well but still through a now-thin layer of brown. Day 19 of Fluconazole.
It always seems strange to me that you can't see the brown film.

At Santa Maria many photos of eyes and fast back-tracking

The caregiver has been awaking at 4 in a panic about what we would learn today from the local ocular oncologist.  I had decided it was not cancer but part of the Valley Fever. On Day 15 of Fluconazole I am still getting gradually better, seeing great in the distance but aware of a grayish or brownish film right up close. The film is thinning every day. The thing that worried me was that the great blob of fluid, while shrinking, might leave a circular or oblong ridge  behind it, on the retina, like trash around a pond. Well, the oncologist was downright cheery as he saw how the infection had shrunk. I explained that it will be another week or more before I can see an infectious disease doctor about Valley Fever (he is busy with COVID19), and he agrees that in the meantime I keep taking Dr. L's magic pills and forget we were told in Stanford that I was riddled with cancer. So it's a new field. There is danger everywhere outside the house, and the beach may be wholly closed, but I will find more out about living with VF, soon.  I wonder how far I can walk if I try to walk. 

The thing is, we lived for a good many days with a sentence of blindness and probable death. You don't just say, Oh that was wrong and now I can forget that time. In the academic world I knew many with great reputations who were as incompetent . . . . .

Parker quoted by editor of Dutton Bible, Book of Exodus

Day 12 of Fluconazole's Battle Against What They Called Eye CancerCa

We are still reeling from the absolutely authoritative diagnosis by the best ocular oncologist on the West Coast that my right eye was cancerous not from something treatable like Melanoma but from Something Worse that metastasized from within my cancer-ridden body. That 4-hour drive home I was a passenger only. Then the driver-caregiver wrangled a PET scan and a CAT scan here and the local doctor confirmed the diagnosis but wanted to be absolutely sure by ruling out other possibilities. The lab results showed Valley Fever (later confirmed by a lung biopsy) and the doctor immediately put me on Fluconazole. Getting seen by an infectious disease doctor is proving a little hard in this time of COVID19, so the treatment is not being managed right now. New lab tests yesterday, and eye pictures Monday, so we will know more. Meanwhile, I have gone from having an unusable right eye, all brown, to having almost normal sight. I will never forget the suggestion that it could be removed to prevent further spread. Cover my bad left eye now, I see a brown tinge on the right side of my face--like a tan, not a black walnut stain, not a brown blue. The color of the screen I am typing on looks a little gray--but shiny white with my left eye. But the fact is that I have gone from expecting the loss of my good eye (always the best) to regaining it. I don't think there is danger of losing it again.  The great mushroom shaped black blot that I saw for weeks has thinned and the lower half seems to have faded away. We will know more next week about any residual damage from the incursion of fluid and whatever else into my retina. This is the first half of day 12, only. What happy news will Day 13 bring? Now, I am realizing that Valley Fever is truly not a get out of jail free card. But better than cancer, better than cancer.

After learning that you don't have cancer in the body and probably not in the eye

you may take a few days to realize that you are seriously sick with this other thing, Valley Fever.

Comment on Dr. Link. Fits the box exactly, all the characters possible.

I went to Dr. James Link after I had been told that a cancer in my body had metastasized into my right eye, which saw only a brown blob. Dr. Link would be our Point Man, he said, and arrange necessary tests and appointments. The buck would stop with him. We are old, but he required us to learn to text with our iPhone because he wanted to be able to reach us. So we learned to text! True to his word, he texted to inform us of developments and he replied promptly to our messages. He is a thorough man. When the PET scan confirmed a torso lighted up with cancer, Dr. Link sent me directly to the blood draw with more lab orders. He wanted to rule out other possible causes. As soon as as the labs returned, he telephoned to say I have Valley Fever. After a lung biopsy, he greeted us with "I have nothing but good news for you today." With Fluconazole my eye is steadily improving. If you have cancer and need a Point Man who will watch you over the long haul, I direct you to Dr. Link.

I could not italicize "thorough" and "I have nothing but good news for you today" in the web page.

After 8 days of Fluconazole, I am typing this using both hands and both eyes

It really looks as if the anti-fungal pills are driving away much of the brown guck and thinning the big brown shape that appeared when I opened the eye. Whooo--one night as I walked across the landing in near darkness the shape rolled along the floor like something out of M. R. James.  Remember his Absalom? I think the brown is fading. Tonight I read a little in the TLS using glasses and both eyes. The sick one sees things a little gray and dull, but I can read words. Valley Fever is not a joke, but hey, I have done a lot of work on ORNERY PEOPLE since I was told I was riddled with cancer and told (by a tactless assistant) that they could always as a last resort remove the eye. I've got ORNERY PEOPLE almost fully planned--lots of specific work projects. 

Second Thoughts on the Relief of having "Only" Valley Fever

At first you say, so I am not dying of cancer this year.  You don't say HURRAY, in our experience. It takes days to process the news. You get around to looking at Valley Fever on the Internet and remember the way your torso on the PET scan was lighted up all around with Valley Fever. You get around to realizing that brilliant medical experts can be wrong, that Valley Fever can really present as a lesion on an eye (even a "good" eye). You read of how many strong young football players die of this disease and how many older people die or never fully recover. This is a bad disease to have, you gradually realize.  You realize that your ambition may exceed your ability to achieve. You can work on ORNERY PEOPLE a few hours a day productively, but you can't do all your heart desires. You think how long it has been since you made Brother Rick's Rolls from Mike's gift of the Jesuit Baking Secrets book and how everyone in the house loves your Brother Rick's rolls and say, next morning, next morning I will do it, then get up and lean against the marble slab and admit that you cannot stand there for that many minutes. Bedrest. I did 5 months of it for TB in 1956 reading only Shakespeare, up only to go to the bathroom.  Now, an hour is refreshing, enough. The bitter pills work. I could tell the difference the second day. But I am 12 pounds lighter and very weak. I would be happy to stay 12 pounds lighter and be strong like the young football player who died of this.  This is a real disease, and by body is still, as they say "riddled" with it. But to have it diagnosed and treated!  HURRAY.

For sale, unopened, Lemon Flavor. Cancer doctor cancelled Monday tortures.

Doctors along the Coast are slower to identify Valley Fever

from the Internet

The disease that doctors at first thought was lung cancer was likely carried on a speck of dust.

A few years ago, Kevin Pierce, a laconic retired sheriff who has lived his whole life in the Central Valley of California, went to see his family physician about some chest pains. An X-ray showed several nodules in his lungs, suggestive of a spreading cancer – not entirely surprising since Pierce is a smoker. He was referred to UCSF Fresno for treatment.

But when the doctors there investigated further, they realized the nodules in his lungs were not from cancer but from a fungal infection.

Pierce had Valley Fever, an illness caused by the fungus Coccidioides immitis, which grows in the hot, dry soil of the Central Valley and across the American Southwest.

“It’s hard to be a doctor in Fresno and not have to deal with Valley Fever,” said Michael Peterson, MD, a pulmonologist and associate dean at UCSF Fresno. In fact, Peterson said in his clinic’s experience, up to one-third of patients who are sent for biopsy to confirm lung cancer turn out instead to have Valley Fever.

189--a weight never seen on my scales since the 1980s.

In these last 2 weeks I have not till today thought of trying to read about recovering from Valley Fever. It's not fast, and no wonder I am so weak. Doctors on the coast don't recognize it for a long time, often, so we were very lucky the cancer man here is a thorough man. After showing us the dozens of cancer spots all lit up on the PET scan he sent me to the blood draw with 15 or so requests. 8 vials at a trip had been my previous maximum. One of them was for Valley Fever. If the doctor does not try to rule everything out that he can . . . . The eye remains a problem.

Selecting from the more than 6000 GLIMPSES

Slightly more--the first digit just changed.
Finally, under the gun, knowing my time was more limited than I imagined, I started organizing ORNERY PEOPLE on a grand scale. Now, assuming that I may after all outlive my mother, who died at 92, I am going to drive ahead until the first volume is done. I have been working hard between doctors' visits, sometimes with a mask over my right eye. I am happy with what is emerging. We are more than a little gaga at the whip-lashings.
(Mother wanted me to outlive her. She was that way.)
The Stanford ocular oncologist called today and gave us his cell phone. If the anti-fungal drug does not cure the eye (something all the ocular folks think is impossible) he will take over. A local man will take fresh photos to see if anything has really changed since April 15. But my body has no cancer. The suspicious fellow in the lung was Valley Fever, absolutely.
The local hero, the oncologist, wants a copy of ORNERY PEOPLE. What a man.

The lung biopsy for cancer went to the lab at once yesterday

It came back perfectly clearly not for cancer but for Valley Fever. That is why the doctor today said he had nothing but good news for us. We are still reeling, trying to tell people.

How do you tell the news? "I have nothing but good news for you."

That is what the local oncologist said to us today.
The very great ocular oncologist up north a couple of weeks ago said very firmly that my eye lesion and darkness meant it had metastasized from within the body. Sort of deep and wide within the body, is what we heard. We drove home dealing with a rapid death and one of us did scheduling of all sorts of tests including PET and CAT scans. We behaved well. I would never have thought I could behave as well as I behaved. I went to work on ORNERY PEOPLE and have made great progress despite many medical appointments. I have not slept a night in many months, for one reason and then this big reason. Same for the other heroic person. I emphasize: We were stupendous. But I hope I never have to do it again, I tell you.
The eye is still a problem and we may go back up north for some treatment. NO ONE believes anti-fungal pills can reduce the eye lesion. I think there is a slight improvement. Stable, anyhow, not getting worse. The eye is a very real problem, yet. But I don't have cancer.  I made none of the earlier stuff up--they were just so authoritative and powerful and all-knowing. The doctor down here gave me a rigorous set of lab tests, one of which named Valley Fever. We liked this man from the start and our confidence was well placed.
I can't carry this on farther. I have to tell the people at the Berkshire Athenaeum.
Thank you Nate for taping and mailing 8 boxes!

Old Levis Never Die

How really fine libraries can be dispersed--a McGehee cousin

In 1867 Montford McGehee moved to Woodburn and managed the plantation until 1879 when, in the general financial collapse following the Civil War, it was sold, along with McGehee's considerable library, the many volumes of which were tied up with string and disposed of at ten cents a bundle. The family holdings gone, McGehee moved to Raleigh where he was commissioner of agriculture from 1880 to 1887.

THIS IS MARGINALLY BETTER THAN HAVING SOMEONE DUMP THEM AT THE CURB, IF YOU CAN FIND SOMEONE TO CARRY THEM DOWN.

I am so very happy to have a home for my Melville archive. It's not a "really fine" library like Montford's but it is a great working resource.